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Personal Standards- Part 1

15 Sep, 2016 | by
Divine Femanine Emotional Healing Self Help Spirituality

 

Is there a piece missing for women in our society today?  What could it be?  As I spoke daily with people across the country from all ages and many cultural backgrounds, the most common questions asked by women and girls on the Psychic Hotline were as follows:

1. Does he love me?
2. Who’s my baby’s daddy?
3. Why did he leave me?
4. How can I get him back?
5. Why is he with her?
6. Is there someone else?
7. And last, but not least– He has a whole other family! What do I do?

As I played psychic detective, I found myself asking them a specific question, “What are YOUR standards in this?”  Often there was silence, then a fumbling, two or three word answer.
Sometimes they were just trying to understand my question!  Rarely did someone have a real answer.  Then my work truly began — to help them see that their own standards for life were valuable in this situation, and to give them a way to identify what they were.  Gradually, it became apparent to me that this was a common theme in this nation.  Women have no clarity on who they are without a man!  They have not learned that they have within them innate standards for life and they can hold those standards high as a guidance system for their decision making process in any relationship.  In fact, the majority has given no thought to this whatsoever!

In pondering this dilemma, my suspicions became realizations.  I am grateful for women bringing this to my attention.  However, men are included in this situation.  Not only do our children have no acceptable “rites of passage” to help them transition into adults, but they are looking outside of themselves for the values and standards to live by!  I see that, as small children, we must look to our family to learn their standards. That’s called survival.  But some families are not cohesive enough to give those clearly.  So the child learns coping skills according to the situations presenting themselves — and applies those later as an adult.  When that manner of coping doesn’t work in the world, it gets confusing and discouraging to the person, since they feel invalidated.  So, they look elsewhere in the world for the answers.  It can be to anyone or anywhere that seems valid in that moment in time.  On the other hand, some families are very clear on their standards, as well as what is needed for that child to be accepted.That child then learns those standards, applies them to life,expecting them to work in the world.  Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. It depends on the child and its sense of itself.

So, when do we choose our personal standards in life?  As teenagers, some of us challenge and even resist that which doesn’t “feel” or seem right to us.  Often that causes upheaval in the family.  Yet later, upon leaving the family home, one can be overwhelmed with learning how to make it in the world.  Once again, the focus is survival.  It isn’t until we become triggered by an unexpected event in our lives that we begin to re-evaluate what standards we use, checking to see if we want to keep or change them.  This can happen at any age.In my world, that is learning to be true to oneself.  “To thine own self be true” is a well known phrase in our culture and often takes a period of introspection as well as some retrospection to determine how to know our own deeper truths.  However, it is a process that can bring more happiness into daily life, ongoing.  For when we walk by our own standards in life, we are able to make clearer choices with less stress in our decision making.  This serves us well, including the people around us.

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About the Author

Argena

For 39 years, Argena has used a variety of tools and methods to assist both individuals and groups. Some of these are Intuitive Tarot, Transition Counseling, \”Past Life\” healing, Medicine Shields and Energy Balancing. She has a gift for tuning into people\’s essence and creating \”safe space\” for them to experience it themselves. Extensive Native American studies have given her ways to marry the spiritual and physical worlds. She says, \”All that is important to me is to see the spark of Spirit in people\’s eyes. Then I know that I\’m doing what I\’m here for\” Argena worked for 4 years on the very first Psychic Hotline, and as such is quite experienced in the area of phone readings. She describes it as her \”post-graduate work\” in psychic/spiritual counseling.

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